Social Etiquette- a lost art?

I've been meaning to touch upon the subject of social etiquette for a while but have always been side tracked or left wondering if it's at all worth giving my two pennies on a subject that sometimes leaves me slightly speechless..


Social etiquette is supposedly a set of behaviours based on societal norms, (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette). These behaviours would include things like communication, manners, social interaction and dress. In this day and age many of these norms have become almost global or at least for those with access to a global audience. These would typically manifest themselves in a work environment with a cross cultural and societal workforce. For example, one wouldn't think twice about shaking a woman's hand in England, but would the same apply to Saudi Arabia?


Part of social etiquette is at least the ability to recognise that there can be differences in societal norms depending on what part of the world you're from..social etiquette can also adapt to smaller groups such as the ability to know how to socially interact with peers as opposed to those who may have a more senior position in your circle of acquaintances...without even recognising the possibility of these differences and their impact on your behaviour, social etiquette, in my opinion, goes out of the window.


The reason for me writing about this..well I don't know if it's just me but I keep coming across what I see as lack of social etiquette and basic manners. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Ms prim and proper but what I do acknowledge is the difference in my behaviour, my speech, my tone, and sometimes my dress depending on where I am and who I'm talking to. Is it too much to ask therefore to expect the same from others? I'm not saying that people should be chameleons, changing their 'colours' at the drop of a hat..what I'm saying is that people should have enough sense to know what is appropriate behaviour and what isn't.


A personal example of this is a comment made recently by an 'auntyji', a long time acquaintance of my mother who felt the need to tell me that I'd put on a lot of weight since she last saw me 6 years ago. Bearing in mind this was 2 weeks after I had given birth to my son, I thought this was a slightly misplaced comment and regardless of when it was said, quite rude. What made this comment worse was that she said it within 5 minutes of coming into the room and in front of a bunch of people. You're probably thinking she was some uneducated woman with little care for such mundane matters as etiquette..hmmm..well you need to meet this woman's daughter in law who a few years back tried to impress me by telling me all about her French classes at the French institute and how hard it all was..that was until I told her I had studied French at university and had lived in Paris for a year...Wooomffffff...I practically saw her deflate in front of me...Nope this auntyji had no idea about what was appropriate in conversation and probably thought she was doing me a favour by telling me about my weight..duh lady I think I've noticed!


The reason I'm writing this post is to remind people that to make conversation and to behave appropriately is an art. It isn't taught in schools or universities so it doesn't mean a bachelors degree will somehow automatically teach you social etiquette. Nor does money buy you manners. It comes with a certain humility, a level of interaction with people and observation. So the next time you feel the need to comment on someone's weight, height, looks, dress etc etc don't feel like you have to hold back but at least try and figure out a way in which you don't sound like rude oaf!

Wow has it been that long??!

Gosh, my last post was back in December. It's really been 5 months??!! Time has flown by and I'm now une maman...yup, motherhood beckoned and I welcomed it with open arms:)...our little bundle of joy arrived on April 1st..hahahaha...I tried to cross my legs but it didn't work since he was born by emergency c section ...we named our son 'Ayaan' which in Arabic means 'gift from God' and he truly is a wonderful gift..the last few weeks have been to be honest a bit of a blur. I came home 2 days after Ayaan was born and to the noted disapproval of our midwife. She wanted me in an extra day and I was adamant that I wanted to take my baby home.

Tired? who me?
The following hours, days and weeks after the birth have been a constant series of feeding, nappy changes, sleepless nights, crying (both Ayaan and myself), more feeding, more nappy changes, lots of visitors etc etc..you get the idea. I must admit that even though I have been brought up amongst lots of children and my mother was a nursery teacher, nothing prepared me for having a baby of my own.

Breast is best- but boy does it hurt!
I didn't have the easiest of pregnancies, lots of scares and visits to the hospital, regular appointments with our consultant and scans every month..I kept thinking throughout the 9 months that once the baby was in my arms I would be ok. Ha! I sometimes find myself checking up on Ayaan to see if he's still breathing, I worry that he isn't being fed enough, although that's pretty much down to people saying he's hungry whenever he even so much as whimpers...I just want to say that breastfed babies tend to feed more often than totally formula fed babies as the breast milk digests quicker thus the baby gets hungry. I've just had to bite my tongue sometimes when everyone profers their opinions even if it's been upsetting.

Breastfeeding is tough; especially if you're a total anti Gina Ford (like moi) and feed on demand. I'm lucky that I have words of encouragement from other mothers who have chosen to breast feed, but I found it hard sitting there for hours on end, especially at night staring at the four walls. I've now chosen to use formula for 2 of Ayaan's feeds which helps him settle down for a bit longer than he would. Have I felt guilty about this? Hell yes..I was adamant I wanted to exclusively breastfeed as this is what is best. The addition of formula was more for my sake than for Ayaan's. I've realised though, that instead of heaping expectations upon myself, I just need to find the right balance and approach. I'm trying to make this my mantra...

Anyway, Ayaan is nearly 7 weeks old and is a real character. He smiles lots, cries lots, feeds lots and poos lots..:)..I never know where the day goes and I really look forward to Atif coming home so I get a bit of adult conversation, even if that conversation is centred around all things baby:)

Baby changing rooms
We've taken Ayaan out quite a bit as I don't want him to get too used to being home alone with me. I even managed to take him on public transport to do a bit of shopping...yay, what an achievement! The real test will be this Friday when I take him into London to visit daddy's office..hmmmmmmmmm...this is probably the only time I wish I had an iphone as there's a cool little app that shows where all the decent baby changing facilities are. Trust me, when you have a screaming hungry baby and you're out and about, it's one of the most stressful things ever...it's been enough to reduce me to tears and wish I hadn't gone out.

I'm now on a mission to name and shame bad baby changing facilities and I'll start off with Hounslow Treaty shopping centre. What idiot thought is was a good idea to have music blasting into a baby room where mothers may want to feed and soothe their babies? I took Ayaan and the place stank of urine, had loud music and had these awful plastic chairs that wouldn't be amiss in a prison. We lasted about 10 minutes in there, enough for me to calm him down and then ended up in starbucks to calm me down!!! Anyway, if anyone out there comes across a very good, or very bad baby changing room, please feel free to let me know and I'll add it to my list.

Anyway, Ayaan is just about to get up and so I'd better wrap this up pdq...just a quick nod to Tamreez for kickstarting my blogging again.http://blog.asimandtamreez.co.uk